In The Beginning…
I can remember as a young boy sitting on a brick wall
Saturday mornings near our garage in the apartment complex we lived in waiting
for my father to come home from “work.” I had the impression that he traveled
during the week, and that is why I usually only saw him on weekends. As I’ve
learned more about that time, I now believe that he was living with Linda, the
woman he was having an affair with, and her very young daughter Pamela.
As can be expected from this type of arrangement, my father’s
marriage began to fall apart for this and other reasons. There was an attempt
at reconciliation—enforced by my grandparents. My brother Christian was the
product of this attempt. Other than that, the attempt failed miserably. When 14
I was directly and unceremoniously informed that they were getting a divorce.
And so the scene changed. Instead of sitting on the wall, I
sat near the patio doors waiting for my father’s car to pull up for visitation.
He also had to pay child support, and my mother was perpetually complaining
that he was not fulfilling his obligations in that respect. During that time
though, my mother and I were not “getting along well,” at all. One day in
November or December of 1979 it was decided that I would go to live with my
father immediately. I would continue to live with him and Linda until I was 24,
and then later on for a few months later on for different reasons.
Divorce and adoption
name change
The divorce proceedings marched along. During this time,
there was a discussion (probably more than one) as to whether or not Pam would
be adopted, but in the end, it was decided that Pam would simply have her name
changed.
The divorce papers arrived in early 1981 (I believe—I want
to say May) and my father and Linda promptly (and happily) married. The court
order for Pam’s name change was dated May 31, 1981 and stipulated that her name
change was effective June 20, 1981.
Two Tragedies
Just before Thanksgiving In 1991, Linda Schneider passed
away. This was a huge and terrible blow to my father who had loved Linda very
much, as she did him. They were very happy with each other. In January 1992 my father took a business
trip to Long Beach, California to attend a trade show. While walking leaving
his hotel to attend the day’s events, he collapsed on the sidewalk as the
result of a brain aneurism. He was rushed to the hospital and stabilized fairly
quickly.
The hospital tracked down his brother John, who then
contacted me. John facilitated my trip
to Long Beach. I was there the following afternoon, and spent several weeks
there. Christian (my brother) came a day or two later for a several days. Pam
was notified either by John, or by me when I got to the hotel in Long Beach.
She did not come out to see him. Instead, I kept Pam updated by telephone on a
regular basis.
After I left California, I stayed at my father’s condominium
(he inherited it when his mother passed away just a couple of years prior).
Early in his recovery he slipped into a coma. During the next couple of months
I spent a good deal of time on the phone with John, and the social worker at
the hospital, as well as various specialists and nurses to monitor his
progress. I called Pam and spoke with her on a regular basis to keep her
informed as well.
In March, the recommendation from the hospital was he should
be moved to a long term care facility, as there was no sign of change in his
condition. I was in the process of making those arrangements, when the hospital
did one “final” swallow test (to see if he could eat normally) and to their
surprise he passed it. Several days later the test was repeated, and he passed again.
His feeding tubes were removed, and he began to recover very quickly. His
mental faculties had been damaged somewhat, but his physical recovery went well
enough that he was able to fly home in April 1992.
